The Switch
by HR always live on
Summary: A two shot, taken from the end of 10:6. Not a happy fic but hoping someone will read it anyway... Now complete.
1. Chapter 1

_Another take from the end of series ten. This is not a happy fic, you have been warned..._

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><p>"She's arresting!" Erin shouted.<p>

"Quickly!" Harry yelled as Dimitri crouched next to Ruth. Ruth lying prone who at the moment didn't have a beating heart. Harry was very close to pure panic when the adrenaline was injected in her. It had absolutely no effect. It took a few seconds for Harry to realise that she wasn't coming back. He couldn't help it, he cried as he kept holding her, rocking her slightly in his arms. How could it be that this beautiful, intelligent woman who made his world turn had died? It couldn't be possible. Ignoring the blood he cradled her face and kissed her as he laid her gently back down on the ground. Her lips were still warm and soft.

"Oh Ruth," he whispered, unable to hold himself together, the love of his life laying lifeless on the grass. His happiness five minutes before had lasted mere seconds, and now here she was in his arms as she was always meant to be. Just not alive. "Please God no." His tears were dropping onto her beautiful yet still porcelain skin and he gently removed the traces with his hand.

"Harry, move," Dimitri said firmly from somewhere above his right shoulder.

"Go away," Harry whispered in a broken voice, his body covering hers. He didn't want anyone but him touching her. Sasha should have attacked him, not the woman he loved. One thing he knew was he had to be the last person to touch her and Dimitri could go to hell. Then he felt hands moving him slightly away from her. He was about to struggle when he realised what they were doing. Dimitri gave her a second shot of adrenaline and gently lifted her hand, feeling her wrist for a pulse.

"My God, its there," Dimitri said. "Its horribly faint but its there."

"She still isn't breathing though," Erin said. Harry wanted to kick her because that was stating the obvious. Without thinking about who was watching he set his lips to hers once more and pushed air into her lungs, willing her to do it on her own. He kept going for the next couple of minutes until the helicopter landed. He kept a tight grip of her hand but move so they could help her. Harry knew some basic first aid but this was miles beyond them and he wasn't too worked up to be unable to see it.

Almost immediately a plastic tube was shoved down her throat. Harry winced, seeing it obstruct her face as one paramedic kept squeezing the bag in and out, breathing for her. A pressure dressing was put on her chest wound and then she was loaded into the helicopter, Harry following all the way. One of the paramedics opened his mouth to say there was limited space but Harry gave him a look of pure ice and nothing was spoken. Harry sat next to her as the paramedics asked a lot of questions about her injury. Harry didn't like the look they shared when he told them she'd been without oxygen for several minutes. But they kept going. "Come on Ruth, you'll pull through this, I know you will." Harry repeated to himself as a mantra.

It didn't take long for them to arrive at the hospital and Harry was devastated when Ruth was taken from him so quickly. All he could do was wait and pray. And he wasn't a praying man, but for her he'd make an exception. For her he always did.

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><p>"How is she?" Harry asked as soon as he saw her being wheeled from the operating room into her own private hospital room. She still had a plastic tube down her throat which wasn't a good sign.<p>

"I don't know, I'm just the orderly. The doctor will be with you soon," he said as he made sure all the machinery she was attached too was in working order.

"How long until he gets here?" Harry asked, trying not to focus on her pale face.

"Five to ten minutes," the orderly replied. "I'll leave you with her." Harry pulled up a chair and sat next to her, holding her hand tightly.

"Hi sweetheart," he said in what he hoped was a calm voice. "You look better than before." He kissed her hand and then debated what to say to her. He could normally read a look in her eyes and instinctively knew what was right. "You've had me worried, but right now, all I want you to do is squeeze my hand, can you do that?" No response. "Okay. Well, I'm going to talk to the doctor about you in a minute. I'll be back." Harry kissed the corner of her mouth not obscured by the breathing apparatus and left the room. He had indeed seen a white coat outside the window.

"How long until she wakes up?" Harry asked with no preamble whatsoever.

"Mr Pearce, we've fixed the wound in her chest and re-inflated her left lung. That injury is completely repaired. However, before she got to the hospital she was without oxygen for too long. We need to do some extra tests to double check, but I am telling you she isn't going to wake up from this."

"You don't know Ruth," Harry said shaking his head. "She's a fighter and she will come through this.

"We will of course check, but after injuries like this… there is no brain function, so even though the body is alive, she isn't there anymore. I'm sorry."

"Don't talk about her like she's gone," Harry said harshly. "She's lying right there. My Ruth is not dead!"

"Mr Pearce, I am sorry," the doctor repeated slowly. He knew that news like this wasn't often accepted easily and this was the part of his job he always hated. "We will run the tests as soon as possible."

"Not yet," Harry said. "I want to spend some time with her, because you're wrong. I know you are, Ruth doesn't give up."

The doctor nodded sadly as Harry returned to the woman he loved and always would. He said nothing to her at all as he gripped her hand gently and running soothing circles over her with his thumb. He just needed her presence to reassure him slightly. As silent tears fell down his face.

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><p><em>Part two coming soon. Harry says his final farewell...<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Here's part two..._

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><p>Harry quietly opened the hospital room door to see Ruth lying exactly as he'd left her yesterday. "Good morning my darling," he whispered before planting a kiss on her cheek. He had a small bouquet of snowdrops and replaced the old flowers on her bedside table with the new ones. Then he sat down and took her hand, in his now familiar place.<p>

"Erin and the others wanted you to know they're thinking of you. I… I really would love to see your blue eyes. Beautiful blue eyes sparkling with your intelligence. Its one of the things I adore about you." There was a light knock on the door and the doctor came in.

"I don't mean to intrude," he said. "But I do need to talk to you." Harry nodded for him to continue but he didn't let go of Ruth's hand. "We have the results of the latest round of tests. I'm not going to draw it out. She has no higher brain function. We've done three sets of testing two weeks apart at your request, normally we'd only do one. There is nothing more that can be done. I'm deeply sorry but very soon we are going to have to switch off her life support machines."

Harry closed his eyes and his grip on Ruth's hand tightened. He swallowed once or twice before he managed to get any words out. "No."

"I understand this is more difficult than I could ever imagine…"

"No, that's not what I meant," Harry said in a broken voice. "I've feared that this day is coming but I… I can't have some stranger doing it. If she really has to… go, I want to be the one to turn off the machines."

"That will be really painful," the doctor warned.

"I'm already losing her," Harry said, studying her still and beautiful face. "It won't be more painful than that. It can't be a stranger."

"Okay," the doctor said quietly.

"…When?" Harry managed to get out.

"We can hold of for a couple of days maybe, but no longer."

"I think we should do it today," Harry said after a moments silence. "She is attached to so many machines. She has a tube rammed down her throat, which would all be worth it if she was going to get better, but I can't see her in anymore pain than what's necessary. I think… today would be best."

"Okay," the doctor said. He wrote down a number and handed it to Harry. "That's my pager number, whenever you're ready… to do it."

"I'll need a few hours."

"Take your time," the doctor replied sincerely.

"Also I want to see the brain graphs you got from her. I need to see it with my own eyes."

"I'll have a nurse bring them around," the doctor replied, knowing it was pointless to argue.

When he was left alone with Ruth once more he stroked her hair and studied her face. Her beautiful perfect face obstructed by the imperfect machines. It seemed like moments later a nurse came in and handed him a thin folder. Harry reluctantly let go of her hand and opened it. The graph was horrible. There was an example of what the brain waves looked in a resting person, and then there was her graph above it. Hers was a worryingly low straight line, no variance at all but he had needed to see it.

"Thank you," he said handing the file back and taking Ruth's hand in his once more. When he was alone with her he kissed her cheek again and murmured in her ear. "Goodbye my dear."

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><p>Doctor Stevens was scrubbing in to assist on a heart surgery when his pager went off. He looked at it and sighed. "I have to go," he told the lead surgeon.<p>

"Why?"

"I'm needed elsewhere. Its important."

"You're missing the chance at open heart surgery! Are you insane?"

"I know," Stevens replied. "But I have a man on the third floor who's heart is being torn apart while we have this conversation. I have to go."

"You really are crazy."

"I'll watch the second half from the gallery," Doctor Stevens replied before he left, to hurry to the worst part of his job. A patient with no hope.

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><p>Harry looked up as the doctor came in, looking rushed. "I'm ready," Harry said. It was a lie, what he meant was he's as ready as he'll ever be. It would be impossible to ever be ready to let Ruth go.<p>

"Okay, I need you to sign some paperwork," the doctor said. "It won't take long." He passed Harry a clipboard and Harry signed after seeing that it was relatively straightforward. "When you're ready then."

Harry kissed Ruth's palm and then gently laid her arm on the hospital bed. He got up from his chair and looked at the machine as if it was written in Greek. "What… do I have to do?"

"When you push both of those red switches there, the machines will stop breathing for her. Then I'll remove the tube from her throat. It will probably take about an hour for her heart to stop beating, maybe more maybe less but that's the average. When that happens the monitor here will flat line and then she'll be… gone."

"Okay," Harry said, breathing heavily. He looked at those horribly tiny red lights shining through the plastic covers on the machine. In reassurance he had a second look at her medical stats. They had no change at all. He rested his hands on both of them with no pressure at all. After a couple of minutes he found the willpower and pushed them down one at a time, feeling his heart shatter a little more with each movement. He quickly turned to Ruth and sat next to her as the doctor methodically removed the breathing tube.

Harry managed a small smile as her face was finally free off apparatus. She looked like she was sleeping and she looked at peace. "Thank you," Harry whispered to the doctor.

"I'll leave you alone." The door slowly shut behind him as Harry stayed watching Ruth's face.

"You look much better without that horrible plastic on your face," Harry whispered. He looked around and then thought what the hell. He moved her across the mattress so he could lie next to her. It took a good five minutes because he was moving her so gently, not wanting to hurt her. Eventually he was lying down with Ruth's head resting on his shoulder. He stroked her hair softly. "Do you know how often I've imagined lying with you like this?" Harry asked her. "Ideally it would be under much different circumstances and it wouldn't be a first and only time." He paused before adding his most recent thought. "You're still warm."

"I'd love nothing more than for you to just open your eyes. I know it would be a miracle so I'm not asking for much am I? You are the most breathtaking, intelligent, beautiful woman I've ever known. Please don't die on me. Please." No response. He leaned over her and kissed her forehead, breathing in her scent which was still very much Ruth, even when covered with a layer of a hospital smell.

"I want the last thing you know to be that I love you very much. More than I've ever loved anyone in my life. You managed to touch my heart so softy that I wasn't even aware you were doing it until I was already lost. I'll always be yours, even if we never get to live in that beautiful house you picked out for us. Even if I never get to see you in a white dress as you become my wife, as I'd always dreamed. I'm so sorry it was you that Sasha hurt. If you'd never met me you'd be safe and alive right now. But somehow I can never regret loving you. Oh God no." The machine was flat lining. Her heart had stopped.

"Oh Ruth…" Harry tightened his arms around her and felt the tears start. They fell softly on her hair as he rocked the love of his life. "I love you. I'm sure I'll follow you sooner rather than later. I can't imagine living in a world where you don't exist. I love you." The minutes of cradling her turned into hours. He couldn't let her go, he wanted to stay holding her and protecting her for the rest of his life.

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><p>Three hours later Erin walked into Ruth's hospital room, seeing Harry kissing the top of her head. Erin put a hand on his shoulder. "Harry she's gone."<p>

"I know," he said between the tears. "I just can't seem to let her go."

"What made Ruth her, isn't there anymore."

"I know." Harry looked at her one last time. Her face was paler than it had ever been in life. Her body had gone cold now and he knew there was no way back from this. He raised her head and kissed her lips, wishing she'd respond. "Goodbye my darling." He got off the bed and saw that there were doctors waiting to move her outside the room. He kissed her slowly one last time.

"Goodbye," he whispered again. With Erin's help he left the room, completely blind to where he was going. And the light of his world had been completely snuffed out.


End file.
